Crazy, Stupid Love
by shenaynadine
Summary: AH/AU/OOC One-shot - After years of flirting, Jace leads Clary on for a week and breaks her heart. Basically just a personal experience of mine that I'm more or less venting about through a story. Who knows.


A/N: Well this is just a one-shot that I feel the need to write.

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, I just needed people to use for my pointless story.

Clary's POV

Do you ever look back on past events and wish you'd done something more or said something different or just avoided a situation all together? Maybe you told a friend something that changed your relationship. Maybe you knew the consequences of a conversation that you had the option to avoid, but you had the conversation anyways. Maybe you kept your real feelings hidden and just accepted what happened the way it happened. In my case, I did all three.

Now before you go and assume I did something wrong, let me clarify: I was the one that was hurt because of someone else's actions, but I just let it happen and didn't try to stop it. But really, what difference would it have made? You can fight your own battles but you can never guarantee a win.

My story began near the end of 2011 and it was all about a guy named Jace. Typical, I know, but not for me. In fact, this was the first time I had felt this way about anyone. I'd known him since kindergarten and I had never so much as talked to him on occasion, I actually avoided him, but something changed that year. He started flirting in the way that younger guys do. He'd steal my phone, the lock for my locker, even the brush out of my purse, and then he'd eventually give them back. Then we started talking and sitting together in some of our classes, passing notes back and forth. Everyone would watch us and I was constantly asked if we were dating. Just the thought repulsed me, and I'd deny everyone's claims. But then someone came up and directly told me that I liked Jace… and I blushed.

Now I'll have you know I never blush unless I have to talk in front of groups of people or if I'm lying. That's what made me start to think. It couldn't be true, could it? I'd known this guy for years and I was just starting to even think of him as a friend, there's no way someone can develop an actual crush that fast. Right?

As it turned out, wrong. You know the whole concept where if you tell someone something over and over again they will start to believe it? Well, I was convinced for months that that was the case, but I was very wrong.

Let's fast forward to 2012 now. To this day, I have never heard so many people ship two ordinary people. I mean there was no Sherlolly or Captain Swan or Skyeward going on, this was two kids, in school, no less, living in a small city in Florida. But I kid you not, our entire class was shipping us, some kids in other grades were shipping us, and we even had two teachers and three substitutes make comments about us to us directly and in front of our classes. It was extremely embarrassing, you know, since I was coming to terms with the fact that I actually did like Jace and that meant that I had to lie to everyone when they asked me or made little comments here and there.

This was the year that I started to pry at him to see if he felt the same. We had a mutual friend that had moved to Michigan. Being somewhat sneaky, I convinced her to assist me in a little plot I had to figure out his feelings. This was where it got interesting. I'll spare you all my pathetic 'little' story and just tell you what we did and what the outcome was. I had her text this guy and ask him if he liked me. Left to her own devices, she decided to throw in an extra little question that was, "would you consider dating Clary?" When Jace asked why she was being so inquisitive, she said that she was asking both of us because she was just curious. He agreed to tell her on one condition: that she would tell each of us the other's answer (through this all, she was relaying their conversation to me). I hesitantly told her to agree to his condition. After all, I would see what Jace said and be able to plan my response accordingly as there was no way I would put myself out there if he didn't actually like me.

It turned out that he did though. All he disliked was my visible lack of confidence in myself. Hearing this, I told her to give him a simple "yes" from me, but on the inside, that make me a bit uneasy. I had never, and still am not, a confident person. I am insecure and I'm not very comfortable with who I am and I can't put myself out there in most situations for fear of being judged, so seeing the guy I like point out how obvious my insecurity was almost made me want to throw up. But that was the end of the topic. We returned to school after the weekend and acted like nothing had changed.

We avoided that topic as much as possible after that weekend and continued brushing off people's comments and questions like normal. We continued like always and I tried (and failed) to become more confident in myself. That lasted until the summer of 2014, where it all crashed and burned.

Out of the blue one afternoon, Jace texted me, "Can you talk right now?" That dreaded message that makes you rethink all your life decisions. Of course, he brought up that day in 2011. He wanted to know if I remembered the conversation we had. I wanted to make sure I knew what I was about to get myself into and asked him to what conversation he was referring. He only said, "You know which one. We both answered a question." I was terrified about where this was heading, so I texted my best friend in the entire world, Simon. He is amazing and never flirts with me and is more of a female friend than a guy friend towards me, so I knew he would be able to help. I made sure he would be on hand immediately so I could figure out good responses from a logical standpoint (I'd already told him of the situation a few months prior).

So Jace proceeded to ask me if I still felt the same way and, after much thinking, I told him that, in fact, I did. We had a conversation that lasted for hours. I'd never been in a relationship before, so I didn't have any skeletons in the closet to tell him about. Instead, we discussed him and some of his previous mistakes. Over the course a couple days he told me about all his previous relationships. We flirted and we talked and he was amazing. He was the first and only guy that I'm not related to that complimented me. He'd text me in the middle of the day and say something nice. He sent me a link to Josh Turner's song 'As Fast as I Could' with a sweet comment about us. I was so happy and I couldn't believe that he finally knew how I felt and that he felt the same way.

I bet you're wondering how this could qualify as "crashing" and "burning", so we'll get to that part now.

After about a week of this, Jace texted me at around 9 p.m. saying that we needed to talk. Ah yes, another question that makes us delve into our past choices. The last similar question that he asked me ended well, so this one should've too, right?

Hahahahahahaha no. This particular conversation only lasted about half an hour. Long story short, Jace said that he didn't want to pursue the relationship. And his reasons just about made me drive to his house just so I could punch him in the face. He said, and none of these are overdramatized, a) that he would see pretty girls and he wanted to be able to flirt with them, b) that even a day before he was flirting with the barista at Starbucks, and c) that he didn't want a serious relationship.

Now I know some people who would side with him and say that at least he was honest and broke it off before it really started and saved me from any real pain, but I would also like to punch them in the face. No siding with them. I have my reasons and my right to be angry.

Let's get to my reasons, shall we? First, I have always been an emotional person, someone who gets attached quickly and easily because I'm good at sensing emotions and relating to them. This means that a week-long 'relationship' often feels to me like a two or three month-long relationship, so I actually did feel real pain. I cried for hours that night at the feeling of betrayal, and it still hurts me to this day. In fact, I was actually crying a bit today and feeling like a mess of a person.

Second, if you see pretty girls and feel the need to flirt with them that often, then you need to chill. That bull crap story you told me leaves me with one thing: that you are a man whore. Seriously though, don't objectify women and their appearances and just flirt with everyone you see. You're going to piss someone off someday and I'll only be there to videotape you getting beat up by a female.

Third, do you realize that the point of dating someone is to find someone you are going to marry? It's not just a hobby or something to pass time with or something you can do so you aren't described as single. You should start dating someone if you actually want a relationship with them that may very well end in marriage. Think of the girls whose hearts you have broken/are going to break when you decide to break up with them because you have a fear of commitment. It's just not right.

Fourth and finally, if you are dating someone and still flirt with other people because they're pretty, just stop it then and there. If you love someone, they will be the most beautiful person to you. You won't see the beauty of others in the same way, you'll see that they are attractive, but you will not be attracted to them. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. You don't deserve whoever you're dating if you act like a pig and flirt with other people.

Goodness I feel like I'm listing the side-effects of some medication. 'If you have any of these symptoms, relationships are probably not for you, and may end in your sudden murder.'

So yes, I feel regret. I regret not telling him how I felt when he betrayed me like that. I regret not telling him every day since then. However, I do not regret the feelings that I still have for him, just the fact that I have them when I have no apology. I think about him daily, my heart soars at the thought of him, and I smile when I hear his voice. I still want to yell at him, and I still want to make him feel the pain that I have felt, but there's a part of me that knows that I'd give anything to have him with me always. It kills me how I see him on a daily basis and we talk like friends and like nothing has changed, when, on the inside, everything has changed.

So, to finish my tale, I was once told that real love cannot be found until you have 'achieved adulthood and matured.' I no longer believe that this is true though. This boy broke my heart, but his very existence has healed most of it. And I now know why: I love him, and I have loved him for four years. It may or may not be an unrequited love, but it is indeed love. Crazy, stupid love.

A/N: So that just happened. This is based on real events from my life. I vent to one of my friends frequently, but nearly half of our text convos are me venting and, even though she is 100% willing and happy to be there for me, it somehow doesn't seem fair for me to do that to her. So yeah, I'm trying this for tonight and maybe it'll help a bit, maybe it won't. Who knows, really? Wooh let's be vulnerable. Because I totally love doing that. And that totally wasn't sarcasm or anything. Anyways, please don't leave any rude comments in the reviews if you review for any reason. I don't think any of you would, but there are some harsh people in this world, so I'm just asking that you don't.


End file.
